Alfred's Pot Shenanigans
by Darfur Maxx
Summary: Alfred plagiarizes everything he's ever done. Alternate fanfiction title: "Alfred's Pornstar StoryOf Rise of Fixed Alfred Christ's Destroyed Fvck!ng Playhouse 2"


blerrrrerghgg (Wow, _real_ fucking descriptive there, huh matey? - me in 2016)

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Der Alfred decided to go to a house or sumtin, Raymoo was in it.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, GIVE ME BACK MY ROLLER SKATES!" The Alfred screamed at animu touhou gorl-thing, then 50 million youcisites jizzed themselves to death, because YOU'RE a famous person (I fear your Fame.)

Alfred then realized that he never had roller skates in the first place, that was what the job was for! But OH SHITTING DAMNATION, HIS JOB WENT OUT OF STYLE LIKE THE 80'S. Censorship America HATES burritos now! Quick Alfred The Dawg, you must become MODERN AND WHITE, LEAVE BEHIND YOUR MAGICAL DOG HERITAGE AND BE THE **CHIRSTAIN WESTON CHANDLER** THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!

Caps makes me look cool.

Then for no goddamn reason whatsoever, a giant bleeding bubonic vagina came from the moon. "Hello, horny non-Pokemon, My name is Miss Giant Ble-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAApopsiclesHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

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Your friends shall protect you. You are loved.

You are loved.

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You are loved.

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You a re lovd..

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...e

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Lo ve  
me

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lov  
eme

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ple

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h

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elp

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me

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l o

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ve

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m

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e

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 **THE EN** - _NO FUCK THAT!_

"Phat-dawg is dead. He is no longer here. However, on my back, within my PLAAAAYHOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE, he continues to live on! Digging a hole to pierce the **DINNER**. Even in a popsicle, I can fuck myself off! And if I can rip off more and more anime, _it's my goddamn very own creation!_ Who the hell do you think I am? I'm Alfred. Not my bro, Phat-dawg. I am myself! Alfred The-"

"Girl." Emily Youcis said.

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... And then Alfred disappeared...

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TO THE MOON, SUCKERS! AHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAA!

FREEDOM IS PARAMOUNT

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The moon's sort of neatish, I guess. Like, there isn't many white people there, or well, anything else for that matter.

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Eh, there's some mooninites, but the stardreams of myself faded to another world entirely.

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Looks like I wrote myself in a corner. :/

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BUT FEAR NOT, FOR THERE WAS NO PLOT TO CORNER ME IN THE FIRST place. Alfred's now watching George Lopez while HIGH AS FUCK!

On the tv show thing, George Lopez turns into a dragon and bites his annoying wife's head off, but in order to evade racism and misogyny and probably some other stuff, he spins and shouts AT THE camera: "OLA GRANADOS MY WAIFU IS DEDORITOS!"

"Oh lawl he so funnay." Alfred says. Incidentally, I have no idea how to make this sentence work better but DAMMIT ALFRED'S FAMOUS LOVE HIM OR DIE TRASH!

Eh screw this plotline the rest of this literacy abomination's gonna be about Blue's Clues.

"OH HEY BLUE, you found a CLUE!" said Steve.

The "clue" is a bottle of bleach.

You can't forget him.

 ** _Shut up._**

"Arf!" barked Blue.

Steve knew what he had to do. He's gonna find some BLUE'S CLUES! He sees something neat at the front door, that's where he'll go. He and Blue skipped off and left through the door.

What he found was Alfred.

"Oh, hello there friend, wanna help me find some Blu-"

 ***CUT***

Blood.

Blood was what Steve saw. Who's blood?

Blue's blood.

"Why Blue? Why now?"

Steve saw his past life right in front of him. The one thing that made Steve alive.

* * *

You are a killer, Steve.

You killed me.

You sewed me down to your carpet when I said I was loved.

You carved out the irises of my eyes, and replaced them with small TVs that played static.

Then I could see only myself.

You cut off my feet when I tried to be with my friends.

You replaced them with roller skates.

Then I could walk only for myself.

You broke every bone in my arms when I fucked myself with a popsicle.

You taped candy canes to my hands, knowing that I couldn't lick them.

Then I could feed only myself.

"You poured bleach down my throat when I talked about my brother.

It was hot.

It was so hot.

Steve.

You did this to me for your selfish desires.

You believe you could only live through pain and suffering.

You wanted the world to know your pain.

You wanted the world to understand it.

You dwelled upon your suffering.

You refused to let the pain go.

The world kept moving.

You stopped.

You grew to hate the world.

You grew to hate all that isn't You.

You.

You forced You upon me.

Your eyes.

Your feet.

Your arms.

Your body.

You fed me your will.

Your selfish existence.

I could love no longer.

I could only propagate myself.

I could only force myself on those that were not me.

My ideology.

My faith.

My body.

I could only live through myself.

I could only expose myself to the world.

I could only force the world to love me.

And they've come to love me.

Not as a being.

Not as a peer.

But a toy.

I lost my identity to them.

I could only love them.

I could only fuck them.

I could only sing to them.

My songs of pain.

Not my pain, but yours, Steve.

I have no pain anymore.

There was no one to suffer with.

There was only You.

 _You killed me._

* * *

Steve's heart skipped a beat.

"And now you've come to bring your pain upon me . . ."

Alfred shook his head. "Blue's blood on your hands is enough."

As he left Steve, the world around him started to fade. All that was left to Steve was Blue's body, and the knife he cut her down with.

Everything else faded to black.


End file.
